Love…?
What even is that word?
Love is a complex and mysterious emotion, one that I’ve always struggled to comprehend.
I’m lost… As if I’m going into a labyrinth without having a map.
Do I even have those emotions within me?
Am I just unable to find them?
What if I start to like someone? Do I like them?
Or am I just hyperfixiating on someone for giving me the bare minimum attention?
I’m not used to people caring so it could be that…
Maybe it’s just a platonic feeling that I’m misreading as romantic love.
Or again, maybe I just lack the capacity to love someone like others do.
And yet, I still search for my moment with that special someone.
… What am I supposed to do?
Love seems like some exclusive concept, it slips through my fingers as soon as I think I got it.
Sometimes I just wish I could lend anyone my heart and ask them to fix it, fix me.
Most people I know called me heartless… am I?
Do I really not own a heart?
Can I not be saved anymore from this deep sea of thoughts?
Am I just doomed to live in this infinite chaos that I’m forced to call “brain”?
I’m still young that means I can still find my lost emotions… right?
I don’t know what to do anymore, is there really someone who can actually help me?
Stop looking at me like you know what it’s going on inside me.
I don’t want your pity. I just want to feel that emotion.
That heart-warming emotion, the one that everyone is talking about this period.
I want to love. I want to feel loved. I want to feel something. Anything.
Will the day that I comprehend my feelings arrive? How long do I have to wait?
I wish that one day I’ll come to an understanding of that “special” feeling.
/Ren