Funny Hell

i can still feel your hand on my knee,

while you talked to me.

and i can still see the way you looked

directly in my eyes

with that h0rny smirk on your face.

i still remember those ‘soft’ words:

“you’re so cute, lil girl”

the same words that changed my life.

that day was one year ago

and i still see you in every man i meet,

and i can’t help it but be terrified

at the thought of meeting you again.

the thought of you still keeps me up at night,

still makes me panic when i’m alone

it follows me at every step i do.

you scared the shit out of me,

just because you wanted a little bit of fun

and you created a ‘funny’ hell

i have to live with

every    single     day

– Anonimo

Such a mess

9.30 PM

I ran to that bathroom,

sat next to the toilet while crying my eyes out.

A million thoughts running through my head:

“you fatty” “ew look at her scars” “trans freak”

I look at my arms and suddenly I feel guilty.

I lean on the toilet, my chest pressed on the edge.

It all went black while i spewed my problems aside.

I can taste it.

I can smell it, touch it

I can feel the thoughts messing in my head.

I can see the wreck i am.

can feel the mess i am

I need that taste to go away

I need to forget what just happened.

so i ran to the balcony and lit a cigarette.

as if it’ll make all of my problems disappear.

Aback I can’t breathe.

I kept asking myself why I am the way I am.

“Why am I a mess?”

God… there’s no answer to that.

– Anonimo

I…

I’m tired, but I’m Jewish

I’ve got a family and children, but I’m Jewish

I’m a good citizen, but I’m Jewish

I’m a person that respects law, but I’m Jewish

I’m a mum, but I’m Jewish

I’m a dad, but I’m Jewish

I’m a child, but I’m Jewish

I’m a brilliant person, but I’m Jewish

Now I’m dead, but I’m happy that someone can remember me not as a deported but as a person with values and a heart.

 – Matilde Malaman, 1AL

25 novembre

Stop violence: break the silence
No màs violencia: rompe el silencio
Stopp die Gewalt: brecht das Schweigen


Il giorno 25 novembre viene ricordato ciò che non bisognerebbe mai dimenticare.
La Treccani definisce la violenza come tendenza abituale a usare la forza fisica in modo brutale o irrazionale.
Spesso le donne sottovalutano quei segnali tipici di violenza, tanto fisica come psicologica.
Ne sono un esempio le numerose vittime, che ogni giorno vivono con il timore dell’uomo che hanno accanto.
“Mi fa piacere che sia un po’ geloso, vuol dire che ci tiene”: Domenica Caligiuri, accoltellata a 71 anni dal marito per gelosia.
“Non sto più bene con lui, voglio separarmi”: Nadia Zanatta, uccisa a 57 anni perché aveva intenzione di separarsi.
“Sono solo delle sue paranoie, gli passeranno”: Valentina Di Mauro, uccisa a 32 anni dal marito per accuse di tradimento.
“Mi dispiace che abbiamo litigato, però mi fa paura, ho bisogno di chiamare i carabinieri”: Silvana Arena, trovata a 74 anni dai carabinieri in fin di vita con delle ferite alla testa.
“Papà dormiamo insieme oggi?”: Laura Russo 11 anni, uccisa dal padre a coltellate nel sonno.
“Mi ha tradita, adesso gli parlo io”: Giulia Tramontano, uccisa dal ragazzo con 37 coltellate, cerca di sbarazzarsi del corpo e lo nasconde dietro un muro. Incinta di 7 mesi.
“Mi dispiace che il mio ex stia male per me”: Giulia Cecchettin, uccisa a 22 anni dal suo ex ragazzo.
Queste tragiche fini avvengono e sono avvenute in tutte le epoche.
Riportiamo l’ esempio di Artemisia Gentileschi, una pittrice italiana seicentesca della scuola di Caravaggio, la quale è stata abusata da Agostino Tassi, artista amico del padre.
Tutto ciò per dire che è da tempo che le donne combattono in favore dei loro diritti, al fine di limitare la violenza di genere.
La denuncia è sicuramente il metodo più efficace.
Tuttavia non è sempre facile dichiarare a viso aperto ciò che si prova, spesso per paura di non essere credute o di non essere aiutate o per vergogna. Sicuramente però parlarne è indispensabile.


Die Gewalt ist nicht die Lösung.
“No” no es solo una palabra.
¡Cuando es no es no!

True love doesn’t humiliate, trample or betray.
True love doesn’t scream, beat or kill.

Love

Love…?
What even is that word?
Love is a complex and mysterious emotion, one that I’ve always struggled to comprehend.
I’m lost… As if I’m going into a labyrinth without having a map.
Do I even have those emotions within me?
Am I just unable to find them?
What if I start to like someone? Do I like them?
Or am I just hyperfixiating on someone for giving me the bare minimum attention?
I’m not used to people caring so it could be that…
Maybe it’s just a platonic feeling that I’m misreading as romantic love.
Or again, maybe I just lack the capacity to love someone like others do.
And yet, I still search for my moment with that special someone.
… What am I supposed to do?
Love seems like some exclusive concept, it slips through my fingers as soon as I think I got it.
Sometimes I just wish I could lend anyone my heart and ask them to fix it, fix me.
Most people I know called me heartless… am I?
Do I really not own a heart?
Can I not be saved anymore from this deep sea of thoughts?
Am I just doomed to live in this infinite chaos that I’m forced to call “brain”?
I’m still young that means I can still find my lost emotions… right?
I don’t know what to do anymore, is there really someone who can actually help me?
Stop looking at me like you know what it’s going on inside me.
I don’t want your pity. I just want to feel that emotion.
That heart-warming emotion, the one that everyone is talking about this period.
I want to love. I want to feel loved. I want to feel something. Anything.
Will the day that I comprehend my feelings arrive? How long do I have to wait?
I wish that one day I’ll come to an understanding of that “special” feeling.

/Ren

IDK

They tell me to move on,
they told me that everything was going to be alright.
They said that even if it hurts I will find a way to feel better.
They keep telling me that day after day the lack and love will fade away,
but everything I sense is that you own
my thoughts,
my heart.
You’re a part of me that will never fade away and I keep hurting me with your remembrance, with the memory of what we were and what we couldn’t be anymore.

It’s hard to love you from distance, it’s hard not to be able to show it… and the thing that hurt the most is to behold you falling in love with someone else.

I’m trying so hard to keep going, not to give everything up, but I’m tired of living this way, I’m tired of feeling unable to live without you, without your hugs, kisses or caresses, without your genuine laughter and smiles.

And I’ve tried hard enough to live in spite of all the shit that happens… I’m sorry but I don’t think I can do il like this anymore.

Remember,
I will always love you.

Anonymous

Lucky you

Are like me…?
You are hurt, aren’t you? Trying your hardest to please others, pretending to feel no
pain.
But no one cares about you, do they?
You know what? Stop playing dumb.
We play dumb, but we know exactly what we are doing.
Stop it. Don’t turn like me.
What am I? A lying monster, the worst kind of all.
You are still in time, save yourself.
Run. Run as fast and far as you can.
Remember, do not dare to let the things that hurt you turn into someone you’re not.
I know it’s not easy, but please… listen to me. Trust me.

God why am I even crying now. I should be happy that you are free… but why.
Why am I jealous? Why was I so unlucky?
Lucky you that you can go away from this mess… you are not stuck in lies.
Unlike me.


-Ren 3ca

La scuola agli antipodi

I vari sistemi scolastici internazionali mi hanno sempre incuriosito. Sarà forse per la mia voglia di confronto, ma trovo un certo fascino nel comprendere come ogni Paese basi e organizzi l’insegnamento e l’istruzione dei giovani. E in fondo, credo che interessi un po’ a tutti, dato la grande mole di argomenti su cui ogni studente, sono sicura, vorrebbe discutere, riguardante il sistema sistema scolastico italiano.

Poco tempo fa, perciò, ho avuto la fortuna di trovare l’opportunità giusta al momento giusto, e grazie al prezioso aiuto di Emma, una mia cara amica, sono riuscita a parlare con Kelly, una ragazza australiana, venuta qui in Italia qualche mese fa e che ora frequenta una scuola italiana. Dalla nostra chiacchierata è nata la breve intervista sotto riportata, e che spero possa interessarvi.

So, Kelly, my first question is: what do you think of the school here in Italy?

I like it, it’s different from my school in Australia, but it’s a great experience. Everybody is so kind, so friendly, but it’s a bit hard beause I don’t speak Italian. In Australia it’s a lot easier because I don’t struggle with the language, but in Italy, for example, sometimes I can’t pay attention because I don’t understand anything.

And do the teachers help you with the language, somehow?

They all do, somebody more than others. There are some teachers who explain in Italian first, and then they tell me what they said in English, and I like it because it is really heplful. I’m learning Italian right now, but I can’t handle an entire lesson yet.

Yeah, and what about lessons? Are they the same as in Australia?

Ok, so in Australia is not exactly the same. We don’t go to school on Saturday, and we have six hours of school every day.

Oh, so you never have lunch at school?

Yes, we have lunch at school. We have a 30 minute lunch break, and the lessons last 50 minutes each.

And what do you study in class? Are the subjects the same as in Italy?

Mh, I think so. We study subjets like maths, P.E. and other subjects that I’m studying now in Italy, in Primary and Middle school. Then we can decide what we want to study next, and I think you do this in Italy too. The only thing that changes is that we have 6 years of primary school, 3 of middle school and 4 of high school. Oh, actually, in Australia I studyed Japanese as my second language, but here I’m learning Spanish, so…

Japanese? Wow, really? Well, last thing (this doesn’t actually matter but I’m curious) do you have classes in Australia where you move in every hour, like in the U.S.A., or is it like in Italy?

We don’t have classes, we only have one, but actually we move to a different class for Japanese or Science lessons sometimes.

Ci siamo divertite a fare questa chiaccherata, io, Kelly ed Emma, che mi ha aiutata quando la mia carenza di vocabolario si faceva sentire. Tra una passeggiata e un cappuccino abbiamo tirato fuori aneddoti che hanno incuriosito entrambe le parti, spesso e volentieri spostando la conversazione su argomenti casuali e poco inerenti al nostro obiettivo principale, cioè quello di informarsi ed informare su una realtà che non ci appartiene, ma che mi auguro tutti vedano come fonte di scoperte ed interesse.

Elena Saielli, 1BL

Grazie soprattutto a Kelly ed Emma.

Asking for attention

Asking for attention. That’s what they thought you were doing when you opened up to them.

But were you really craving attention? Or were you actually seeking help? And weren’t those the closest people, the ones who were supposed to look after you, protect you, listen to you and, most importantly, the ones you should trust the most?

After living with them your whole life, under the same roof, sharing the same bathroom and sitting beside them at the dining table every evening, you wanted to believe they were there for you, willing to make you feel better. After all, that’s what you’ve always heard: they are the people who love you no matter what and who always will, the people who will never make you feel like you let them down and those who will never make you feel lonely.

So, sick and tired of crying in silence in your room and wiping your tears in order to avoid giving them more concerns than they already have, you reminded yourself that you should be their biggest concern. Nothing else should matter more than you do, right? Right?

And what did you get out of this? Was it helpful? Or were you just yelled at? Treated like trash, made fun of and abandoned. You don’t feel good? -they asked you- Seems quite good to me: you don’t help with the house chores anymore and do nothing other than just lying on your bed and listening to music all day.

Were they that blind? Was it the same story all over again? You having to save yourself because those around you preferred to pretend everything was fine? Once again, that’s what you did, but what were the consequences?

You completely cut them out. No more chats, no more talking about feelings. Why would you? Even if you wanted to -and you did not, not anymore- they wouldn’t understand and, what’s worse, they wouldn’t make the effort to try to. Maybe the truth is that they actually don’t even care. After that conversation, it took you a while to completely realise what you were told and the enormous amount of toxic energy that came out of the replies you were given. But once you did, it was impossible to ignore it.

Facts are facts: you needed them, took courage to ask for help, but they pushed you away harshly and laughed at you. Your condition? Nothing alarming, at least that was their point of view. Who cares if you told them how you actually feel deep down? Words you never allowed yourself to let slip out of your mouth had been said, but who took them seriously? Not them. Not those who, out of all the people, were the only ones you needed.

You ask who they are?

Well, I don’t know it anymore.

Andra Bandrabulea, V AL

7 years

In 7 years my body will be replaced

In 7 years nothing of you will remain

In 7 years everything you touched will disappear

In 7 years everything you did, maybe, will disappear

In 7 years everything I felt, maybe, just maybe, will disappear

It’s been 4 years now.. but you’re still here.

-anonimo

Shards of soul

Hey
Who’s there?
You don’t remember me?
No, sorry…
Oh, how the time flies… We used to talk every day and night…
Are you…. My vulnerable side?
I am, yes… It seems like you slowly faded away from me… Do you still care about me?
I… Don’t think I do. ..
It’s alright, that doesn’t matter, of course you don’t, I’m you
Yeah, you are me…
Do you still like her?
Who?
Your childhood best friend
Sadly I do…
Why sadly?
She ignores me… Every day…
Oh… I’m sorry to hear that…
How about your friends? Do you still talk to each other?
No… We parted ways right after middle school… I’m not even surprised with it, everybody left me after I
changed school.
I never left you.
Yes, you did. Where were you all these years?
I was in the back of your head
What about the promise we made?
That I would’ve always been there for you?
Yes, what about it?
You forgot about me, replaced me with your other personalities… I never left you
It was better without you…
I always cared about you though
You never did, all you did was corrupt my mind with your intrusive thoughts…
I helped you through middle school
You hurt me, every day
That was my way of showing my love to you
That was love?
For me it was
For you… But that means you never cared about my opinion…
That’s also correct, but I was the only one there when you needed someone
She was there too
She left you when you needed her
But she was there
You need me
I don’t need you, I want you gone!
Those are big words, don’t say them without thinking
Why are you even back?
I sensed your pain, and knew it was my time to come back and help you out
I don’t need any help, especially not from you
But I love you
Stop it
I truly do
Then why did you push me into this void?

Why did you make me have the same nightmare, night after night…

Why did you have me stay up every night, over thinking every dialogue of that week?
Look I…
Why?
I can’t answer that question, could you ask another one?
No
Sorry, repeat?
No, I want answers about this, first
That is a question above the level of my understanding, I wasn’t created to hurt you, I don’t even know why
I was created… All I know is that I am your creation

What’s on your mind?
Why… Why now? I am content with the life I am living right now…
Lies

Did you tell her that you still love her?
I think she already knows…
That is why I am back… You need to let go of your past and move on
How can I carry on with my life when hers was taken away because of me?
It wasn’t your fault she left without warnings
It wasn’t her fault either, how could she expect herself to leave this horrible world so soon?
Then don’t blame yourself
You don’t even know why I’m blaming myself…
Actually, I do, I am you.
You’re just a tiny shard of my soul, don’t pretend to know me, you just know my most vulnerable side…
But i know it, I’m the only one who saw it
Those nightmares weren’t my memories right? They were yours
Congratulations on finding it out
I never liked you
Incorrect

You did like me, when you were all alone in this world… A little rabbit with no one by her side, against
something as big as the world…

You were always trapped in that cage of yours, crying yourself to sleep, hoping to wake up seeing them
with you… But you never did see them again
What can you know?? As I said, you’re just a shard of my soul, you don’t know everything!
But I know what you’ve been through

You can’t hide it from this little shard of pain, because i am all of your pain in one pill

While you still had other pieces inside you, i only had myself. That means that i am the pure feeling of pain,
betrayal, anger and so on…
You can’t lie about it, you loved seeing me suffer
I did… This little pain pill of yours was the cause of your misery

Delia Alexandrescu 2AA

Suffocating in a dark abyss

It’s so dark…
I can hear all of those whispers…
It’s frustrating, how my heart is racing uncontrollably…
My whole body is shaking and feeling numb
All i can see are people staring at me, they’re laughing… but, are they laughing at me?
I’m sure they are, I’ve said something stupid didn’t i?
Is it because i wear a mask?
I’m sorry I’m weird… but but if you can’t look at my face, just remember that i can’t stand looking at myself either.
I’m different, i know i am, i’ve always been different… you know i can’t change my appearance right?
All of those eyes, pointed at my way while i am slowly falling in the darkness, suffocating in this abyss…
There isn’t much more oxygen left in my lungs, if there was ever any.
It’s almost my stop, i can’t see clearly through my foggy glasses,i need to press the button…
Are they going to think I’m rude for pushing them aside?
Nevermind, i’ll wait for someone to press the button instead…
No one is pressing it…
I’m going to be late for class if i don’t get off now…
I can’t move…
My body is frozen in place…
I hate this… i hate feeling suffocated by my anxiety…
Now we passed the stop, i’ll have to way for the next one.
But then the teacher will be upset… I’ll have to think about it later, for now, i will put my earphones on, and block the world out.

Delia Alexandrescu 2AA

Crying

Tear are falling down my face. It’s like soft rain, I usually love rain, but this one is just
sad.
I am crying. They hate me. I annoy them.
I did everything I could, I tried so hard to make them happy and I still failed.
Why do I keep failing? I guess I am just a revolting failure that society threw away.
I can’t keep going like this. I want to be free.
Why can’t I just be happy for one moment? Why?
I want to escape. This is too much pressure. This is too much chaos.
I need help. Help me.

Yaren Sakalli 3CA

MON AMOUR

C’est l’amour qui me pousse à vivre,

puisque tous les sentiments sont enchainés par cela.

Je ne trouve pas de sens dans ma vie sans mon amour,

Il épanouit dedans mon cœur et il ne le laissera jamais.

Ma joie et ma souffrance s’adaptent à l’amour,

en effet il est tout puissant.

Il vole mes larmes, qui fuient pour les émotions,

tandis que mon esprit cherche de le comprendre.

Je ne suis rien sans toi,

Je suis puissant avec toi.

Je suis toujours à ta recherche,

même si tu décides par toi-même.

IL MIO AMORE

È l’amore che mi spinge a vivere,

poiché tutti i sentimenti sono incatenati grazie a lui.

Non trovo il senso della vita senza il mio amore,

che sboccia dentro il mio cuore e mai lo lascerà.

La mia gioia e la mia sofferenza si adattano all’amore,

infatti è onnipotente.

Mi ruba le lacrime che fuggono per le emozioni,

mentre la mia mente cerca di comprenderlo.

Non sono niente senza di te,

sono potente insieme a te.

Sono sempre alla tua ricerca,

anche se decidi da solo da chi andare.

Andrea Sattin 4AL

Chaos

Chaos, is what is going on inside me. This is too much to handle.
What is wrong with me.
They called me, they asked me questions. I need to answer but my voice doesn’t come out.
I can’t breathe. I can’t express my feelings. My legs are shaking.
Everyone is staring at me, they are waiting. They think I am useless. They hate me, say you hate me!
Why? why can’t they understand what is going on inside of me.
I am getting used and thrown away like nothing, and they still expect me to do what they want.
What am I? Am I even human? What do they see me as?
Sick of being a people pleaser. Sick of waiting for something that never comes. Sick of being nice to them and getting treated like garbage
Brain and voice, I have those, so please just listen to me for once.
I am not asking much, just stop ignoring me!
Stupid? That is not me. So stop treating me like one. I know what I am doing, just give me time.
Please for once, listen.

Anonymous

One sided love

I love you the way sunflowers love the sun,

when they mourn his absence all night long

and wait for his return with their heads down .

I love you the way the sun loves the moon,

when he shines all of his splendor on her

and admires her beauty from afar.

I love you the way the moon loves the stars,

when she doesn’t show up unless they

accompany her in all her grace;

but sometimes I’m scared I’m loving you too hard

when you’re already busy loving someone else

Hiba Chaouki 3BL